Prompt: Describe the brutal gang initiation rites for the following groups:
- a new mother’s group
- a book club
- a country club
Beginning Tiger Mom Association: If we demand excellence from our children, we should demand as much from ourselves.
- Must have experience being a parent.
If all prerequisites are met, an interview will be conducted. You will be interviewed in a language in which you are barely proficient, after which you will be asked to perform on the violin, flute, piano, or cello. No exceptions may be made for any other instruments. If a satisfactory performance is given, then you will need to pass a cooking test. After you have served the judges your meal, you will have exactly 25 minutes to clean up any mess created. If you have given a sufficient interview, performance, and healthy, appetizing meal, you can join our club.
Uncle Pastuzo’s Cabinet book club
- Must simultaneously be a part of Aunt Lucy’s Adventurers book club, Mr. Gruber’s Traders book club, and Mrs. Bird’s Knitters book club.
Prerequisites having been met, in order to join this book club, you will need to provide a one-paragraph synopsis of no less than four different children’s books. After that, you will prepare some arguments as to how reading these books has improved your character; also how the characters in your book compare to other literary characters from widely-recognized (and yet, barely understood) novels of the centuries before the present. If you can provide these things, you can join our club.
49 Stamps Country Club
- Must have collected a minimum of 45 different stamps in passport
- Must be able to recite the countries and capitals of Europe, South America, and 75% of Africa.
- Must have overstayed at least one tourist visa
- Must have TESL experience
- Must have freelance journalist experience
- Must be in at least three different airline rewards programs
- Must have dated someone from another country with hilariously disastrous results
- Must have published a travel memoir
- Must have an outdated International Student ID card, issued by STA
As we are a “country club” we exist to further develop our already excellent understanding of the world’s geographies, cultures, and demographics. To that end, this country club exists to bring like-minded individuals together for the purpose of sharing information. That being said, in order to join our club, you must take a sociability test. You will be placed in a room with eight other individuals that are exactly the same as you in terms of ambitions. If you can befriend all of them, you can join our club.